so i was actually reading stuff for physics, just to kickstart my revision mood and uhh kinda got into this webpage
Physics doesn't exist, it's all about Gnomes which i shall quote bits and pieces from =)
Electricity
Inside
cables there are hundreds of tiny gnomes 'high-fiving' each other and running
around swapping messages. This transfer of messages allows things to work, e.g.
the gnomes in a plug socket tell the gnomes in the wire, who eventually tell
the gnomes in (say) a kettle to fart in the water allowing it to boil.
Atoms
Atoms are
in fact minuscule gnomes, all holding hands and feet etc together to form an
intricate web from which nearly everything in the universe is comprised.
Radioactivity occurs when a rebel gnome is catapulted by his friends from their
structure. Should this gnome come into contact with the gnomes from our body,
he will offer them beer, thus making the local area either benign or malignant.
Either way, just read: cancerous.
States of matter
A solid
is little more than a closely compacted configuration of gnomes all holding
hands, hats and legs. Heating (see Energy) causes gnomes to become
excited or tickled. They start to hopelessly lose grip of their
neighbors and thus, to the human eye, form a liquid. When gnomes get tickled
pink they're finally able to hold on no longer and just float away in
groups of one and more. To us, and indeed to them, it's a gas. Occasionaly the
gnomes get so excited they catch on fire. This is what we call a plasma.
Metallic gnomes engage in elaborate
flash-mob games of happy-slapping, whereby no individual gnome can be
entirely sure which others he or (in the case of trans-gendered gnomes) she is
in contact with at any one time. Such gnomes, as one might expect, get easily
carried away by heavy metal music. In certain situations while forming liquids,
for reasons yet to be fully explained (some authorities suspect it may be just
an excuse for covert foreplay) gnomes get unbearably cold, in which case they
all gather together, huddle up and, astonishingly, take on the appearance of
ice. Colloids such as jello or glue are readily explicable: colloidal
gnomes have a weakness for jello and similar squishy, greasy foods; the super-gnome
content (see below) of such snacks is exceedingly high, so they themselves soon
end up pretty fat and squishy, too.
Gravity
As you've
probably noticed, gnomes like the ground. They all strive to be in the ground,
hence the gnome explanation for gravity: not theory but fact. Gnomes throw
minute ropes, invisible to the human eye, to the ground. These ropes attach to
unseen hooks that enable muscle-toned gnomes to pull themselves towards terra
firma. There is minimal gravity far from planetary bodies (i.e. in space)
because no known gnomes have access to cables of sufficient length. All bodies
experience gravitational attraction to each other quite simply because gnomes
are, to put it mildly, sociable creatures who practically invented what they
like to call the hearty party. Gnome all-nighters are where gravity
waves meet Mexican waves.
Light
If you
think about it, it’s quite obvious, really. The gnomes that make up our eyes
can see what colour hats other gnomes making up, say a table, are wearing. They
then hi-five gnomes in our 'optical nerve' who run to tell the brain gnomes
what has been seen. This makes us think we are seeing things when in fact it's
all gnomes.
Anti-matter
Now this
is a little more complicated. There are evil anti-gnomes. These make up anti-matter.
Done.
Energy
All types
of energy are transferred through gnomes. Heat is just gnomes rubbing other
gnomes. Potential energy is when gnomes don't want to be separated (see Gravity).
Kinetic energy is the movement of gnomes. Energy is always conserved so
fundamental gnomes (see below) are only ever transferred and never made or
destroyed. Energy caused by nuclear fission is when you make a hypergnome very
angry, and when it gets angry enough it explodes, causing an enormous
explosion. But gnomes are very amiable creatures, so this never happens. Nuclear
energy is a lie.
ofc, if you want more, the link is always up there. Now i'm actually worried about physics cos all i'll think of is frikkin gnomes x(
